It's been four years since the last blog this time (three years the time before). The momentum doesn't seem to be happening. I have not been the ant. I have been the tortoise or maybe a rock moved by the vibrations of the earth. Speaking of turtles- I dreamt that there were really cute little ones in my house that I tried to catch but they were too fast. Hopefully it was prophetic and I am going to turn into a cute, fast turtle. If you can be cute at 45 anyway.
Life is really different from the last time- my husband Brian and I decided to start our own escape room business! So he quit his engineering manager job at Volvo CE and we went full time on it starting January 2015. What a wild ride! Our doors opened June 2016. We are so glad we got in when we did because competition is coming in and it will probably evolve from the boom it was. But we are able to support our family on it so far. Escape Room Mystery on 1st Ave in King of Prussia, by the way.
Personally, the motivation of "Be the Ant" just wasn't enough. If you look back at my first post, I really thought I could take that Bible verse and run with it, but I literally didn't know how to get the details of life down and done. In November of this past year I finally hit complete rock bottom after a move and business chaos combined with not being able to figure things out. After crying out to God for help I felt led to an online program called "STEP" with a company called Learn Do Become. Wow! It has been so great. I caught up on almost all things within a few months and some of those things were over a year old.
It is still an evolving process, fixing all the nooks and crannies. When using the STEP modules, I know that I will get on top of everything. But I still find myself getting really unfocused when a big project or life turmoil comes along. For instance, we had a big open house at the business and are house hunting and house selling and I'm short staffed at work and we are opening a second location that is dragging on and on. Ugh!
The thought in my head was that I just need something to get me going, but re-watching STEP modules wasn't helping and I am really needing to get back to getting things done. This all lead to me finding a couple TED talks that were great:
First I looked up how to get motivated when depressed and found this one:
https://youtu.be/njESlZa2b10
Then, of course, Youtube leads me on a course of more videos and this one came up:
https://youtu.be/Lp7E973zozc
Between STEP and these two videos and crying out to God as often as possible, I am optimistic that I may get things really on track! Maybe even more than one blog post every three or four years.
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Monday, January 13, 2014
Beginning Again
So, took a three-year hiatus from this blog. The house still isn't finished. (Just a couple semi-major things to go.) Still a stay-at-home mom. The youngest is in third grade. The husband has hinted at me going back to work. But I really have no ambition to go back to accounting. Adding a job to the mix seems insurmountable right now. However, I feel myself as more of a liability to the household since I am NOT keeping. up. with. anything!!!
As a side note to falling behind on everything, I have also been quite accident prone lately. In the last year, I tried to drive out of my garage without opening the door. (Minus $500). I picked up my laptop and tried to take it to the couch without disconnecting the power cord. (Minus $178). This morning after a disturbing dream about my son falling, I dropped my Samsung Galaxy tablet at 4 am. (Minus ???) So at 5:18 I sit here rather annoyed at the resources I suck up versus the outflow of money for my klutziness. I also drove out of my garage and hit my sister-in-law's vehicle. Luckily we didn't need to fix my 13 year old Honda Odyssey, and USAA auto insurance paid for everything for my poor dear sister-in-law. No out-of-pocket expense, but adding feelings of inadequacy.
And of course being a klutz is not the only thing that has cost the family money. I have gained 50 pounds over the course of the last three years. In part, I believe, due to a diagnosis of fibromyalgia and the medications awakening an insatiable urge to eat in the afternoon. Anyway - it has cost a lot of money in terms of food to get my weight up to my new rotund shape. Especially money invested in Nature Valley Sweet and Salty Dark Chocolate Almond granola bars. Those things are a drug to me. On New Year's Eve, when I thought I was going to stick to my New Year's resolutions I ate four of them because I thought I was saying good-bye until my weight went back down. Of course I've had a few since then. Oh- and lots of money spent out with the girlfriends at restaurants, etc.
So, even though I love being a housewife and stay at home mom, I am beginning to feel the need to contribute financially to the family, at least to cover the debt I have created. Not to mention the need to actually get on top of the things that any woman needs to be doing in her house, working or not.
Which brings me back to the "Be the Ant" idea. My original idea was to blog on household projects only. However, I am finding that I need to "Be the Ant" in many more areas of my life.
One of the things about fibromyalgia is a sort of brain fog that seems to come over me and I am able to focus on one or two areas of my life, but everything else is on hold and before I know it, I have ten piles of paper, mold in the showers, a hundred boxes of stuff to get rid of, and an overwhelming sense that I should ignore it all and play Candy Crush Saga.
That's where I am right now. And in an energy crisis. Usually, when I fall as far behind on paperwork as I am, something kicks into gear, I sit down, enter receipts, reconcile accounts, file papers and two or three days later I'm back on track. But that "ON" button seems to be gone.
One of the first things for applying the ant is going to be to spend some time each day focusing on paperwork and getting caught up. Not to mention hopefully a real strategy that gets me to not do this a few times a year. There is always the "If I would just do a little everyday, this wouldn't happen" lecture in the back of my mind, but then life seems to run away from me and I find myself in the pit again.
Part of getting on top of the papers, the cleaning, the menu-planning, the house beautifying, training up the children well is that it adds to the value of my staying at home. If I am providing actual mastery of these areas, then I feel that the financial burden of bringing in no actual income is irrelevant, because I have brought so much value to the family through all of these areas.
The weight on me (fat included) is that I have no mastery of anything. The many areas of life are mastering me physically and mentally. I do not seem to be able to keep it up. At this point, it is a mystery as to whether or not I will be able to master any of those things. Can I get it together and cope better with the mental and physical changes fibromyalgia has brought into my life? Lord, help me follow your wisdom and "Be the Ant."
As a side note to falling behind on everything, I have also been quite accident prone lately. In the last year, I tried to drive out of my garage without opening the door. (Minus $500). I picked up my laptop and tried to take it to the couch without disconnecting the power cord. (Minus $178). This morning after a disturbing dream about my son falling, I dropped my Samsung Galaxy tablet at 4 am. (Minus ???) So at 5:18 I sit here rather annoyed at the resources I suck up versus the outflow of money for my klutziness. I also drove out of my garage and hit my sister-in-law's vehicle. Luckily we didn't need to fix my 13 year old Honda Odyssey, and USAA auto insurance paid for everything for my poor dear sister-in-law. No out-of-pocket expense, but adding feelings of inadequacy.
And of course being a klutz is not the only thing that has cost the family money. I have gained 50 pounds over the course of the last three years. In part, I believe, due to a diagnosis of fibromyalgia and the medications awakening an insatiable urge to eat in the afternoon. Anyway - it has cost a lot of money in terms of food to get my weight up to my new rotund shape. Especially money invested in Nature Valley Sweet and Salty Dark Chocolate Almond granola bars. Those things are a drug to me. On New Year's Eve, when I thought I was going to stick to my New Year's resolutions I ate four of them because I thought I was saying good-bye until my weight went back down. Of course I've had a few since then. Oh- and lots of money spent out with the girlfriends at restaurants, etc.
So, even though I love being a housewife and stay at home mom, I am beginning to feel the need to contribute financially to the family, at least to cover the debt I have created. Not to mention the need to actually get on top of the things that any woman needs to be doing in her house, working or not.
Which brings me back to the "Be the Ant" idea. My original idea was to blog on household projects only. However, I am finding that I need to "Be the Ant" in many more areas of my life.
One of the things about fibromyalgia is a sort of brain fog that seems to come over me and I am able to focus on one or two areas of my life, but everything else is on hold and before I know it, I have ten piles of paper, mold in the showers, a hundred boxes of stuff to get rid of, and an overwhelming sense that I should ignore it all and play Candy Crush Saga.
That's where I am right now. And in an energy crisis. Usually, when I fall as far behind on paperwork as I am, something kicks into gear, I sit down, enter receipts, reconcile accounts, file papers and two or three days later I'm back on track. But that "ON" button seems to be gone.
One of the first things for applying the ant is going to be to spend some time each day focusing on paperwork and getting caught up. Not to mention hopefully a real strategy that gets me to not do this a few times a year. There is always the "If I would just do a little everyday, this wouldn't happen" lecture in the back of my mind, but then life seems to run away from me and I find myself in the pit again.
Part of getting on top of the papers, the cleaning, the menu-planning, the house beautifying, training up the children well is that it adds to the value of my staying at home. If I am providing actual mastery of these areas, then I feel that the financial burden of bringing in no actual income is irrelevant, because I have brought so much value to the family through all of these areas.
The weight on me (fat included) is that I have no mastery of anything. The many areas of life are mastering me physically and mentally. I do not seem to be able to keep it up. At this point, it is a mystery as to whether or not I will be able to master any of those things. Can I get it together and cope better with the mental and physical changes fibromyalgia has brought into my life? Lord, help me follow your wisdom and "Be the Ant."
Monday, December 5, 2011
Catch up Day
So, I didn't commit to writing EVERY day, right? But to doing some project on the house everyday. To update on the projects:
On day one, I did paint that frame on the golden mirror. The pictures above show it before, during, and after in my room. Now it is gun metal gray. I'm not sure I love it, but I do like it better than the gold. It is now hung on the wall above my dresser rather than just sitting there as the picture shows.
The next day I hung a table runner and stained glass window on my bedroom wall. I know that may sound strange, but here's why: The window was all in these pale blue colors and if I hung it directly on the wall, which is gray/blue, it would just not pop. So, I had bought three beautiful shell table runners at Target a couple of years ago. Their original purpose was going to be to make a visual headboard above our king-size bed, but I liked two of them on my dresser too much. The third makes a great backdrop for my stained-glass window, which has beautiful sea shells on it.
Hanging these items was a cinch. I bought those Hercules Hooks that you see on TV. They were available at WalMart for under ten dollars. And, I didn't need to use tools because they just pop through sheetrock. The first try did seem to hit a stud, so I moved it over and pushed it in where there was no stud and covered the first hole with the hanging. No one will ever know. Unless they read this blog.
The mirror is hung by the same hooks. They are great! Speaking of the mirror, no project goes easy or without some minor hitch. (Such as that hole I am hiding behind the table runner.) The project took place in the basement since it's too cold and windy outside. When I was shaking up the spray paint, I thought I would be efficient and multi-task but putting some items to go up the stairs. So while placing the camera on the stairs, my right arm was flailing with the can of spray paint. Of course, the can hits the hand railing on the stairs and the nozzle flies off!
Our bodies really should be designed so we can kick ourselves. So, while spraying the mirror, I had to hold the nozzle on because it had broken off the tube. After the first minute or so, I realized the paint was leaking onto my finger as I sprayed, thanks to the crack in the tube. I stopped to get a work glove to keep from turning gray. During spraying I needed to switch hands, but didn't feel like looking for the other glove and three fingers on my left hand turned gray. It didn't wash off right away and was a bit sticky, so when typing on the keyboard later, the keys kept sticking to my fingers.
On day three I marked where I wanted to hang the guest toilet paper holder and towel rack. My husband was nice enough to help out. The math of hanging the towel rack centered over the toilet was in serious need of help, and he's a math wizard, being an engineer. The next time my mother-in-law stays, she is going to feel like it's a hotel room. Or at the very least, civilization, which it has not been up to this point. It looks so great!
I can't say the paint color is very photogenic, though. It looks like I used a bottle of mustard. But really, it is a bright yellow that comes off more cheerful than hotdog when it is in person. Also, it is Pittsburgh Paint's cheapest line of paint and I highly recommend it, since it goes on nice and think. Except for the main living areas, we used Pittsburgh Paints.
After going to a movie with friends on Saturday (Saw "The Help", by the way at Shippensburg University. Awesome movie!) I waited to "make water", as they would say in "The Help", until I got home just so I could use the newly hung TP and dry my hands on the towel. Such luxury!
Yesterday was Sunday, and I sort of took a day of rest. Three days of sticking with something is tiring! But my husband did replace some lightbulbs in the kitchen that have been burned out for about a year and he tacked up my under-cabinet light wires so they don't hang down any more. It is looking pretty.
That leads us to today. Another master suite project I have been ignoring is a magazine rack. My husband likes to do puzzles in the bathroom and I of course keep my Better Homes and Gardens or Martha Stewart Living magazines in there for extended sessions. Right now the books end up laying on the floor, so it is time to hang my Pocket Embossed Organizer that I bought from Ballard Designs over a year ago. I just might hang it with those Hercules Hooks so that I don't need my husband's tool skills again.
Off I go...
The next day I hung a table runner and stained glass window on my bedroom wall. I know that may sound strange, but here's why: The window was all in these pale blue colors and if I hung it directly on the wall, which is gray/blue, it would just not pop. So, I had bought three beautiful shell table runners at Target a couple of years ago. Their original purpose was going to be to make a visual headboard above our king-size bed, but I liked two of them on my dresser too much. The third makes a great backdrop for my stained-glass window, which has beautiful sea shells on it.
The mirror is hung by the same hooks. They are great! Speaking of the mirror, no project goes easy or without some minor hitch. (Such as that hole I am hiding behind the table runner.) The project took place in the basement since it's too cold and windy outside. When I was shaking up the spray paint, I thought I would be efficient and multi-task but putting some items to go up the stairs. So while placing the camera on the stairs, my right arm was flailing with the can of spray paint. Of course, the can hits the hand railing on the stairs and the nozzle flies off!
Our bodies really should be designed so we can kick ourselves. So, while spraying the mirror, I had to hold the nozzle on because it had broken off the tube. After the first minute or so, I realized the paint was leaking onto my finger as I sprayed, thanks to the crack in the tube. I stopped to get a work glove to keep from turning gray. During spraying I needed to switch hands, but didn't feel like looking for the other glove and three fingers on my left hand turned gray. It didn't wash off right away and was a bit sticky, so when typing on the keyboard later, the keys kept sticking to my fingers.
On day three I marked where I wanted to hang the guest toilet paper holder and towel rack. My husband was nice enough to help out. The math of hanging the towel rack centered over the toilet was in serious need of help, and he's a math wizard, being an engineer. The next time my mother-in-law stays, she is going to feel like it's a hotel room. Or at the very least, civilization, which it has not been up to this point. It looks so great!
After going to a movie with friends on Saturday (Saw "The Help", by the way at Shippensburg University. Awesome movie!) I waited to "make water", as they would say in "The Help", until I got home just so I could use the newly hung TP and dry my hands on the towel. Such luxury!
Yesterday was Sunday, and I sort of took a day of rest. Three days of sticking with something is tiring! But my husband did replace some lightbulbs in the kitchen that have been burned out for about a year and he tacked up my under-cabinet light wires so they don't hang down any more. It is looking pretty.
That leads us to today. Another master suite project I have been ignoring is a magazine rack. My husband likes to do puzzles in the bathroom and I of course keep my Better Homes and Gardens or Martha Stewart Living magazines in there for extended sessions. Right now the books end up laying on the floor, so it is time to hang my Pocket Embossed Organizer that I bought from Ballard Designs over a year ago. I just might hang it with those Hercules Hooks so that I don't need my husband's tool skills again.
Off I go...
Thursday, December 1, 2011
The First Day: Be the Ant
Today is a randomly chosen month, but the first day of that month. The day is chosen to be the first day of my beginning to change my house into a real home. My husband and I built our home from the ground up. You could even say from paper up, because we designed the floor plan, too.
So, we've been living here for over a year and a half, since April 2010. There are still so many projects to be done. While it pretty much feels like a "home", there are still those little details that make it seem just unfinished and like I can't ever just quite, relax into it, look at it as complete.
In the last couple of weeks, my husband got motivated to complete our back splash in the kitchen and that room is AMAZING! This is triggering my own need to get things everywhere else done. There are lots of little things I can finish up or set in motion by getting them ready for my husband to be the handy man. (I've tried some power tools and I suck at anything that requires tool skill. Unless the tool is a paintbrush or sewing machine.)
The big problem with me is that the days just seem to ooze away without me feeling accomplished or in control of my time. I have fibromyalgia and am taking medication. My moods and fatigue are definitely better when on meds, but I still wonder if I am slugging through life more slowly than I used to be. At the end of a day, I am almost always discouraged by the still to complete list.
Martha Stewart amazes me because she has always had the same hours in a day that I have. While she has a staff now, she didn't always, and I bet she always had perfect houses. Projects finished that added value to her home, but projects in process that she knew would be complete in a day or a week.
When I look at my mom or my mother-in-law, they always have those projects they will do "someday". They are in or close to their seventies. I don't want to have projects that drag on for decades, yet I know there are a few of those already, even though I'm approaching 39.
A Bible verse that always sticks in my head, that I have tried off and on to live by is Proverbs 6:6: Consider the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!
Okay, so I take offense at the sluggard part, but in truth, I see what it's saying. The verses following it are in actuality talking to someone about storing up food, working to not die. Obviously, not finishing some home projects won't starve my family. The way I'm looking at the verses are that I need to just get to work. Grab the next thing at hand and get it done. When you look at all that an ant does, it really is amazing.
My road block is that I think and think about things, and if even one little thing seems out of place, I don't get started at all. Today I am pledging to "Be the Ant". I'm going to determine projects that need to be moved along and work on one everyday. Some days the project might only take that day, but there may be longer projects, I just have to keep doing one until completion.
There will always be new projects, but I would like to get all the old ones done, and make room for the new.
So, for the first day, I am going to work on a mirror who's frame I have been wanting to paint for about that full year and a half. The first thing I am going to do is name the roadblock that's been keeping me from doing it: Paint color and placement in the house.
The frame is gold. Old gold and very ornate. So, I'm thinking what in the world color will look good? I'm not afraid of bold, but I am thinking I want it in my bedroom. The room is painted a steel blue gray- it's so pretty. I have shell decorations and mercury glass lamps from Pottery Barn. So the theme is pretty much sophisticated beach. (I hope!) The spray paint I bought is molten gray. Now I worried that a mirror will look funny being silver with a silver frame. But, I need to get over it and tape up the mirror, spray it, and hang it. If it doesn't look good, I can spray it again. But I won't know until it gets sprayed! So, that's today's goal. Then to hit up the husband to hang it, since, as I said earlier, things like that are out of my realm! Okay, so tomorrow I'll update on the project and have before and after pictures.
My goal is to work on a project in the home every day for the next year. (I actually have some projects that I can take with me even on vacation, so no excuses!) Next December 1st should be really exciting to look back and see what I've accomplished!
So, we've been living here for over a year and a half, since April 2010. There are still so many projects to be done. While it pretty much feels like a "home", there are still those little details that make it seem just unfinished and like I can't ever just quite, relax into it, look at it as complete.
In the last couple of weeks, my husband got motivated to complete our back splash in the kitchen and that room is AMAZING! This is triggering my own need to get things everywhere else done. There are lots of little things I can finish up or set in motion by getting them ready for my husband to be the handy man. (I've tried some power tools and I suck at anything that requires tool skill. Unless the tool is a paintbrush or sewing machine.)
The big problem with me is that the days just seem to ooze away without me feeling accomplished or in control of my time. I have fibromyalgia and am taking medication. My moods and fatigue are definitely better when on meds, but I still wonder if I am slugging through life more slowly than I used to be. At the end of a day, I am almost always discouraged by the still to complete list.
Martha Stewart amazes me because she has always had the same hours in a day that I have. While she has a staff now, she didn't always, and I bet she always had perfect houses. Projects finished that added value to her home, but projects in process that she knew would be complete in a day or a week.
When I look at my mom or my mother-in-law, they always have those projects they will do "someday". They are in or close to their seventies. I don't want to have projects that drag on for decades, yet I know there are a few of those already, even though I'm approaching 39.
A Bible verse that always sticks in my head, that I have tried off and on to live by is Proverbs 6:6: Consider the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!
Okay, so I take offense at the sluggard part, but in truth, I see what it's saying. The verses following it are in actuality talking to someone about storing up food, working to not die. Obviously, not finishing some home projects won't starve my family. The way I'm looking at the verses are that I need to just get to work. Grab the next thing at hand and get it done. When you look at all that an ant does, it really is amazing.
My road block is that I think and think about things, and if even one little thing seems out of place, I don't get started at all. Today I am pledging to "Be the Ant". I'm going to determine projects that need to be moved along and work on one everyday. Some days the project might only take that day, but there may be longer projects, I just have to keep doing one until completion.
There will always be new projects, but I would like to get all the old ones done, and make room for the new.
So, for the first day, I am going to work on a mirror who's frame I have been wanting to paint for about that full year and a half. The first thing I am going to do is name the roadblock that's been keeping me from doing it: Paint color and placement in the house.
The frame is gold. Old gold and very ornate. So, I'm thinking what in the world color will look good? I'm not afraid of bold, but I am thinking I want it in my bedroom. The room is painted a steel blue gray- it's so pretty. I have shell decorations and mercury glass lamps from Pottery Barn. So the theme is pretty much sophisticated beach. (I hope!) The spray paint I bought is molten gray. Now I worried that a mirror will look funny being silver with a silver frame. But, I need to get over it and tape up the mirror, spray it, and hang it. If it doesn't look good, I can spray it again. But I won't know until it gets sprayed! So, that's today's goal. Then to hit up the husband to hang it, since, as I said earlier, things like that are out of my realm! Okay, so tomorrow I'll update on the project and have before and after pictures.
My goal is to work on a project in the home every day for the next year. (I actually have some projects that I can take with me even on vacation, so no excuses!) Next December 1st should be really exciting to look back and see what I've accomplished!
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